Dear Younger Jill,

Things you need to know before you turn 30…

You are going to have babies, don’t believe the doctors.  You are not infertile!  I repeat, you are not infertile!  Don’t believe anything they tell you about advanced maternal age, either.  It's all a bunch of hooey.

Once you have those babies your life will be COMPLETELY altered.  You are not mentally prepared for this, because you think you cannot have babies.  Stupid doctors. You will no longer be able to "up and go as you please" or "live your life as you see fit".  You will spend all of your time balancing work, family and your social life.  This will always be out of balance.  It’s ok!  They all adapt perfectly well.

Don’t listen to your judgmental mother after they turn 5.  You will wonder if you are permanently damaging your children.  You are not.  They are fantastic.  You will also enjoy being with them when they get older.  Don’t listen to the “terrible teenager” stories.  Also a lot of hooey.

Oh yeah.  One other thing.  Your ass is going to go south at age 43.  Wear the thong bikini in your 30’s.  This is not hooey!  The good news, eyesight starts failing around age 40, so your husband will not notice the slow progression.  Just make sure he takes his glasses off.

Tons more to tell you, but all I will say is, you will enjoy the ride.

Your grown-up self,
Jill

 


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